Life

Tuna Sandwiches

So today I woke up really early to make some ham sandwiches for my classmates. It was going to be A Math followed by Chemistry and I thought maybe my friends would appreciate a sandwich to energize themselves in between. Unfortunately Mummy asked me, “You’re going to let the ham sit in the classroom for the entire morning?” So in accordance to her insistence, I made tuna sandwiches. Nothing wrong, except that turns out very few people like tuna. I made probably 10 sandwiches and so many of my friends had to politely decline because they didn’t eat tuna and they would’ve if it was ham. Thankfully there were some who did accept the sandwiches and I gave some to classmates I weren’t that close to but fine with anyway. In the end I was able to distribute all but 1 of my sandwiches, but inside I wanted to go to a corner and cry.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault. If there was someone to blame it was me for setting my hopes up so high. When I told my friends about ham sandwiches they were so excited, but later disappointed with the change in meat filling. I was very looking forward to everyone enjoying my sandwiches which I put my heart and soul into, but that was a mere fantasy. I’ve had very bad luck in the past with putting in effort to please others. It really has become something I try to avoid getting excited over. I know I shouldn’t stop trying, yet I can’t stop myself from doubting if anything is genuine anymore. If one day I was treated just as nicely as I tried to treat others, would I happily believe that everything paid off? I think I would question the generosity and sincerity of someone who treats me well all the more. It’s such a pity, since vulnerability brings about so much hurt. Although, one of my classmates did thank me through a whatsapp message in the afternoon. It made me feel relieved, even though I wondered if it was out of pity than gratitude.

On the brighter side, both exams went smoothly. I had a lot of fun completing the papers even though none of the topics I worked extremely hard on came out. Chemistry was so challenging that it is the first paper where I had to time to check! Also during A Math, I entered the hall without my pencil! I was drawing yesterday and forgot to put it back in my pencil box. I considered raising my hand but I was too shy. Instead, I used my compasses to draw my graph! It was very difficult, especially halfway when the compasses broke! You see, my compasses’ pencil is a built-in mini mechanical pencil. Something must’ve went wrong because the pencil had no more grip on the lead and every time I tried to write the lead slid back in. Thankfully, I only had a bit more to write, which I did using a fragile bare 0.5 lead in between my fingers. It was really the worst handwriting I’ve ever had but it was legible. How silly of me to have slipped up like that.

I feel quite tired by today. There are no papers for me tomorrow so I think I’ll go to the arcade. I have not played Dance Evolution in a long while. Maybe I’ll go to the Bugis Junction branch to play. If not Dance Dance Revolution at my nearby arcade would be fine as well.

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