AFA and Anger

AFA is over! Wow. I have a lot to say about it. I guess I should stick to the positives first. I really enjoyed Tokimeki JUMP’s performance. It was so energetic and lively. Their opening performance, “Girls Be Ambitious!” was really suited for them. I’m so glad to have watched them along with Kuiin senpai at the Akiba Stage. Seeing all these group performances really fueled my passion for dancing. I really want to be in a dance group one day, just like Tokimeki JUMP. I want to have a close group of friends who share the same love of dancing with me and are willing to work on projects together. It seems like a dream, since I’ve hardly have any luck with human relationships, especially with groups. I always end up shrinking away once multiple individuals interact with each other… I hope the future turns out as bright as my visions.

I did not expect myself to stay for PIKOTARO’s PPAP performance but the crowd was so huge I simply had to out of curiosity. I must say, it was very fun despite all the stupidity behind it. I had a great time with Zi Xiong as well, going around the exhibition area racing for all the free items. We really gathered quite a haul. Of course, I spent a few bucks on paid merchandise. I simply couldn’t resist the temptation!

My overall loot:

  • UFO toy, spiral toy and Tony Tony Chopper Origami paper for $1
  • Free DOMO stickers from NHK World
  • Free pen and Oo-kun fan from Animax
  • Free notepad from some anime or manga company in Japan (I forgot, sorry)
  • Free shaved strawberry and condensed milk (Not really that nice)
  • Hatsune Miku file for $3 (Clearance sale)
  • Shimakaze 16GB USB drive for $10
  • A rabbit sling bag and Hatsune Miku T-shirt for $25 (Smashed a golden egg, 2nd prize)

Overall it was about $52 including entrance fee. I’m quite satisfied, and I had loads of fun with Zi Xiong, Melanie, Jemima, Royal and… Alex? Alex is Jemima’s ex. I have no idea how she can be so casual around him.

Speaking of exes… While queuing for my tickets, I saw a Naruko cosplayer in the distant crowd from Yowamushi Pedal. I could instantly recognise her. I told my friends once I bought my tickets and Jemima and Royal helped me hunt her down and spout vulgarities at her on my behalf. I am ever so grateful to have a friend like Jemima, but now that I have a calm mind, I reflect on that moment and realise it was very unnecessary of us to verbally harass her. I won’t do it next time, I must try and be a kind person. However, the unfortunate encounter nearly brought me into relapse the few days after AFA. I think I’m more stable now so I must push aside my bad memories and move on.

I’ve been speeding through Devil Survivor. I’m nearly done with all the routes. All that is left is Atsuro’s route, which I am nearly at day 5 already. Naoya’s good route was very satisfying, but his bad route afterwards really hit me hard. It was quite tragic, and I was reminded of what a deep game Devil Survivor is. I really feel like picking up more games in the Shin Megami Tensei series, but I feel that I don’t quite have the time for them at the moment.

Today I went to Melanie’s place to practice our dance. We are two-thirds into it! It feels so quick! Yet, Romeo and Cinderella isn’t the only dance I need to focus on. I have my performance at EOY in a week! (How exciting!) Jia Ling and I also have Electric Angel to do. I need to learn the mass dance for EOY in 9 days as well (I haven’t started yet. Ah!). My dance for December isn’t learned as well, but that isn’t a priority. I’m doing Kami Kyouku, by the way.

Lastly, I have been on edge a lot these past few days. I try not to blow up but it just happens. It may be because of my decrease in medicine dosage or because of seeing my ex at AFA. It’s been hard to maintain my composure. I cried at the hawker center today for no good reason. I went to buy soya bean milk and was quite fine until I stood in the queue and my mind started freaking out. I was anxious all the way until I put the two cups on the table and then I broke down. I overthought over my words when ordering and worried about the cups in my hands spilling or my fingers breaking.

I also realised that I have been disliking my Grandmother. I find it annoying every time Mummy takes me out and brings her without telling me beforehand. She tends to be slow, naggy, irritating, and inconsiderate towards my schedule. Every time she follows us for lunch, I have been delayed to the point where my friends arrive at my doorstep and I’m not home yet! She would go grocery shopping, buy more than she promised, take her time with her coffee… In the car she would talk non-stop. There is no such thing as a silent ride to her. I know many old people are like that, but my Grandfather isn’t! He doesn’t rush, but he doesn’t saunter, stop and comment at every turn. He has handicaps but he tries his best. I guess I’m just very impatient and controlling. So far I haven’t told Mummy that I’m not okay with 80% of what my Grandma does, because I cannot be disrespectful. I don’t know how much longer I can endure this though. My lunch rides on my mother, but my mother brings her mother. Sigh… You could call me a bad person. I already know that.


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