A Bad Person

Spade currently likes another girl. It upsets me very much, but I guess there’s nothing I can do about it. I seem more down lately; I wonder if it’s because of this. So what if I’m not number one in Spade’s heart… Yeah, it’s definitely affecting me. I must support him, because I know that if it was the other way round, he would do the same for me.

I feel like a bad person. On Wednesday I got back my O level results. They were good… Melanie and Jia Ling did well too. Jemima unfortunately, not as she hoped for. I really hope she’s okay. She hasn’t been replying my messages.

I accidentally had an evil part of me escape my brain. Upon hearing Sherie’s score, I found delight in her sub-par results. I’m too used to labelling her as my enemy. I must clear myself of any inconsiderate thoughts. I feel awful. I want to be a good person, but I don’t know how to control myself.

So Melanie and I went ice skating after the results came out. It was enjoyable, but I had blisters from it. Melanie would skate so fast, that every time I tried to catch up with her, I’d find her overtaking me! Something I realised is that whenever I’m with Melanie, talking about Toram makes the time pass so quickly! She told me to restat my blacksmith, and we discussed about the various maps and bosses. The hour ended so soon.

That night I was at home putting plasters on my blisters. I said to myself, “I’m very smart”, and felt good about it. Mummy asked me “why do you keep saying that?”… It felt very condescending. I am aware that I should not be proud, but I am telling it to myself in private. It’s either praise, or insults. I was trying to boost my self-confidence. I wanted to appreciate myself and my strengths. Sometimes, I really don’t know how to be a good person.


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