Fight to the Death

So if anything embarrassing was going to happen to me, it had to be happening all at one go. I am quite overloaded with these emotions of frustration. I would like a break from humans, so I think today I will hideaway by myself. I can’t be around people, especially since I forgot to bring my hat and jacket to school today. Things happened on Tuesday that made me feel extremely exposed and vulnerable.

Where do I even start? So the guys and I are having to deal with each other due to unfortunate slip ups. Simple dispelling of information that is out of my control. I am annoyed with myself and the circumstances but I cannot blame anyone. In fact, I should be the one apologising. They’ve been trying their best but they cannot fathom why my condition plays such a huge part in my life. I can’t blame them for being like that, but I want them to understand me more.

Bakano kun’s birthday was on the 15th. We went out on Tuesday for dinner and stuff. I enjoyed myself very much and now, I feel that I can trust him again after that event. We talked about many things and he read my letter to him while I was right there beside him… It was a fun and meaningful outing. Just before we were about to leave though, he asked to see something… And I showed it to him. It was the first time I willingly showed someone like that in a long time. At first my brain was imploding over what I did, but I’m sort of okay with it now. I want to trust him. I feel myself slowly accepting what he told me last week, which is good I guess, if only he was a Christian. I shan’t think about it now, though.

They all came over yesterday during e-learning. Marvin Chan, Healter Pyon, Xiao Ming, Qin Xin, Tyler, Amos and Bakano. It was the first time I had so many friends (and all male!) in the house and they all used my dinning area as a gaming session. It made me so happy, although Bakano kun rather had less people. I will remember this for next time we hang out. Today is many serious subjects for e-learning, so I hope to study hard today~!


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